Yes, that’s the name of the app. Seriously, it’s making my job difficult to come up with fun, interesting titles when the name of the app itself is long and complicated. It also makes the skin crawl on the back of the neck for everyone here when the title doesn’t make much grammatical sense. A Spider Scary Cool Crusher Race, while self-explanatory to some degree, is too long. I will be shortening it to something easier. Spider Crusher Race will have to do.

What not to touch.

Spider Crusher Race is a universal app, so the bugs can haunt you no matter which device you use. As the name implies, there’s some spider crushing going on, as well as crushing roaches, flies, and pill bugs (potato bugs, whatever). You use your finger to squish the bugs, but you have to avoid the scorpions. Sure, that makes plenty of sense. I’m not a fan of squishing a scorpion with my bare hand. Do you know what else I could go my whole life without? Squishing bugs and spiders with my bare hands.

You begin the game with three lives. Actually, you start out with three doughnuts. There’s food on the left side of the screen, and you have to squish the bugs before they get to it. Hypothetically, you then take the food in the very same hand that you squished the bugs with, and you take a bug bite without washing that hand.

Once the bugs get to the food three times, it’s game over. However, if you squish a scorpion, it’s automatically game over, no matter how many lives you had. Attribute it to the scorpions being poisonous.

Rather than using animated images of the bugs to make squishing them more palpable, you’re with presented real life images of these hairy little monsters. Considering the fact that it’s autumn here, and the spiders have all decided to hang out at my house, it wasn’t a pleasant event to have to squish them on the iPad either. It was a great game, it was just an uncomfortable reminder that I probably have huge bugs like that hanging out in my basement while it freezes outside.

A Spider Scary Cool Crusher Race is available in the App Store for the awesome price of FREE!