Current fortune cookies are too mainstream. They’ve been around for about 100 years. Everyone gets them with their Chinese dinners, and the generic fortunes don’t seem to apply to people anymore. Fortune Cookie Bad Hipster Normal has revamped this old cookie and taught it some new tricks. It still won’t fetch your slippers, though.

 

Suddenly, college students everywhere are disappointed.

My editor, boss, fellow writers, and half the Facebook population are obsessed with proper grammar. In the spirit of keeping them all happy, I’m going to refer to the app as Fortune Cookie throughout my post. Just be aware that if you happen to go looking for it in the App Store, the link in this article is the full name.

Fortune Cookie is a universal app that gives you three different options for your fortune. You can receive a normal fortune for your cookie if you’re more traditional about slips of paper in your dessert. If you require more of a kick in the pants when you read your fortunes, you can select the bad ones. Those particular fortunes sound like Eeyore after a night of lonesome drinking.

Then, there’s my favorite option. The entire reason why I chose to review this app is that you can receive hipster fortunes. What’s a hipster fortune? Those run along the lines of being informed that squirrels live in trees because they like nuts.

I wouldn’t consider myself to be a hipster in any sort of way. When some teenage girl asked me where I got my glasses, I told her they were my prescription lenses from the eye doctor. She was disappointed that I couldn’t point her in the direction of a local Hot Topic store.

However, there are plenty of hipster fortunes that are based off of popular memes like “one does not simply read a fortune.” So, even if you aren’t into the hipster scene, they are still worth taking a look at for the pop culture references.

Fortune Cookie Bad Hipster Normal is available in the App Store for the awesome price of FREE!