Build-a-Hipster

TL;DR description: This app lets you build your own hipsters and share them. It is based on a Dustinland webcomic titled: “The Theory of Hipster Relativity.”

Hipster description: You don’t already have this app? Pssht… figures.

Marketer description: This funtastic app is the best thing since sliced organic gluten-free bread! What can it do? WHAT CAN’T IT DO?! All it takes is a quick download onto your 6th generation smart phone to get started building your very own hipster from scratch!
You want mopey bangs, overalls, canvas sneakers and a vintage vinyl collection? BANG: you got it! Grandma glasses, mom jeans and an arm full of ’80s bracelets? ZOINKS: it’s all yours!
Build the most ridiculous hipster you can imagine, then post it on Facebook with some obnoxious comments about how you were listening to that band waaaaaay before they were almost popular.
See a silly looking hipster at a bar? Reproduce him or her with this handy app for future reference!
Feeling a little bland and looking for some fashion tips that will help you feel accepted down at the snobby coffee shop where you just know all the employees make fun of you the moment you leave? Grow a mustache and build a look that will work for you!
It’s all here in Build-A-Hipster, now on sale for only $1! That’s less than the price of a tasteless yet ironic domestic beer! So what are you waiting for? Buy this app today! Act now, hipsters are going fast!

Scholarly description: Dustin Glick is a cartoonist who has been publishing a comic called Dustinland since 1997. Not too long ago he posted a comic titled “The Theory of Hipster Relativity.” You may have seen it on the Internet. The comic states:

“While the hipster may be dying out, people are still trying to figure out what a hipster actually is. And after all this time, I think I finally got it! See, there is no such thing as a hipster on its own. A hipster can only exist in comparison. It is a relative term. It’s an adjective, like “tall.” If you’re 5 feet, someone 6 feet is tall—but if you’re 6 feet, someone 6-foot-6 is tall. And thus I present to you: The Theory of Hipster Relativity!”

According to this theory, there is no true definition of a hipster. That’s why few if any people ever claim to be one.

In the end, we can look to the words of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart: “I can’t define it. But I know it when I see it.” He was talking about porn, but it works for hipsters too.

Now go build yourself some hipsters.