Quirky App Of The Day: Booze Death Calculator
by Kathryn Zane
May 24, 2011
Sometimes I request an app from developers, and they send me more awesome apps that I had asked for. That's the case with Booze Death Calculator. So, since I received two additional awesome apps that give me exciting chills over the idea of reviewing them, I'm going to be doing a sort of a three-part review for the developer of these apps. Don't get me wrong; I've got multiple apps from other developers waiting to be written up. Usually, it happens because I wrote one review of their apps, and then they send me more that they think I will like. So any devs reading this who are waiting in the wings, I've got you covered. However, this is the first time I've really had it work out this way. So, enjoy part 1 of this special spotlight on Dennis Nederlof and his apps Booze Death Calculator, iDead or Alive, and iDied.
Booze Death Calculator was educating to me. I should probably come right out an admit that I have never tasted a drop of alcohol. It's not really a big deal, but I mention it because otherwise, my experience with the app is superficial and fake. I can't review from the perspective of alcohol experience and determine how funny the app is by how close/off it is. My review come from the perspective of someone on the outside looking in. Someone who is being educated in what is almost a foreign language that involves death to a certain degree.
I logged in my weight, my gender, and maxed out how long I would drink a particular drink. Then, I scrolled through the drink options and selected each one, noting how many I could drink in five hours before it killed me. I learned quite a few things. If I ever did pick up the bottle, I wouldn't drink Canadian beer. It took 44 to kill me. Even an alcohol virgin like me can see that that means it's weak sauce.
As far as I could see, the most potent drink was a tie between a Harry Buffalo and a frozen daiquiri. I looked up what a Harry Buffalo is. That punch has so much hooch in it, a bowl could put a college football team under the table. Not that I condone underage drinking. All I remember from high school health is that you don't mix different types of alcohol because it speeds up intoxication. I can only assume that with five (yes, that's right. Five.) different kinds of alcohol in the mix, I'm better off starting up an IV drip of home-drafted beer. According to the calculator, I could have a whopping seven of these drinks before I got to meet my maker. The problem with drinking that much though, is I think halfway through my first glass, I would be doing a table dance while I recite the Greek alphabet. By the end of my drink, I'd be sleeping in the corner. So, I'm not entirely sure how'd I fit in six more unless I paid someone to pour it down my throat for me.
Now, after learning a little bit of what it takes to kill someone, I'm even more interested in my heritage of moonshine runners. I'm sure we've still got the home-distilled good stuff somewhere. . .
Booze Death Calculator is available at iTunes for $0.99
