The new iPad has been on the market for just two weeks, so it’s time to start the rumor train for the next unreleased Apple product – the new iPhone (aka iPhone 5, iPhone HD, iPhone Super-Mega or whatever you’d like).

And iMore has a “scoop” today about what the next iPhone will contain. And by scoop, I mean obvious information mixed with a dash of nonsense.

So you better sit down and prepare yourself for some shocking news. First, according to the report, the new iPhone will be LTE compatible. Really? That’s somehow news? Apple was confident enough to feature LTE in the new iPad, so why would the next major product release not have super-fast networking.

Simple fact is that it will.

Second in the report is that the iPhone will be released this fall. Wow. That’s news to me. If Apple is known for one thing besides making enormous amounts of money, it’s that the release schedule for iPhones and iPads have remained shockingly consistent.

After breaking the pattern and releasing the iPhone 4S last fall, why would Apple want to introduce a new phone any earlier? If you remember, releasing the iPhone 4S later in the year only helped propel Apple to its most profitable quarter ever.

So it’s easy, WWDC 2012 will be the introduction of iOS 6, and the iPhone will be released later in the year.

The site also says, the new iPhone will have a “similar if not same sized screen.” Oh my, you don’t say? While laughable rumors like yesterday’s 4.6-inch screen are fun to pan, it’s simple – Apple doesn’t believe in fragmentation.

To go to a larger screen, there would be a need for more pixels, and for every single app in the App Store to be redesigned yet again. It just not going to happen. At most, I could see maybe a small increase to 3.6 or 3.7 inches with a Retina display that keeps the 960×640 resolution.

Just because Android phones have bigger screens doesn’t mean it would work on the iPhone.

Finally, the site once again says that the new iPhone will be the first Apple device to not feature the ubiquitous 30-pin dock connector. We looked at this issue in late February, and I’m still as skeptical about it now as I was then.

While I wouldn’t put it past Apple to swap out the dock for a “micro” version, it would easily anger a number of consumers who have spent considerable amounts of money on a boatload of accessories that would be quickly obsolete. Just like with the screen size, if it’s been good enough for five generations of the phone, why change it now?

So yes, you heard it here first, there will be a new iPhone eventually, and Apple will sell millions around the globe.

I don’t need any sources to tell me that.