Zombie Identifier

They said there is no such thing as zombies. They laughed at your for stockpiling weapons and food. They laughed at the tinfoil armor you built. Well let's see who's laughing now!
It's time to have the last laugh! ___________________________ When the zombie apocalypse comes, you will need instant notification if an incoming bogey is a zombie or not!_______ Seconds matter in this situation! Use the Zombie Identifier to protect you and your loved ones.__________________________ Using our secret Zombie Identification Protocol (ZIP), you can quickly tell whether that's really grandma with cookies, or a zombie looking for brains!______ Just open the app, point the camera at the unknown person, press scan and wait. If the ZIP doesn't detect a zombie, you will be notified with a 'NOT a zombie" message. If there really is a zombie...you will see 'ZOMBIE!' YES, you moron! KILL IT!!___________________
We 100% guarantee our system is accurate, or your money back.______________ We are not liable if you kill someone, from a false reading, thinking they are a zombie. Sometimes stuff happens, sometimes your kid is just acting like a zombie, sometimes your neighbor wants to borrow your lawnmower, but he hasn't returned your leaf blower, and he's annoying with his new sports car, and ...well..things happen.__________________Zombie Identifier is the ONLY zombie technology endorsed by the US Zombie Hunters of America, the Illuminati (of course they're real too!) the NRA (Nebraska Rejects of America) and the Masons ( My neighbor Jerry Mason and his family).____________________ ZIP technology provided by an EXCLUSIVE license from the Aliens of Cetafor Kreata. Jerraskee Frobeeeeka and Bob.___________ Please use responsibly! Don't drink and scan for zombies.