Dad: Made By Apple

A special treat for you all this Father's Day weekend; No doubt at this very moment (and I mean that literally,  as those reading this article have suddenly come to the startling realization that it is in fact tommorrow), people everywhere are cuddling up to a nice envelope and deeply personal generic greeting card and are writing the things they wished they had always said to their fathers, but perhaps never had the chance to. This is all well and good; however, I choose to go down a road less travelled. Rather than devoting this article to the heroic exploits of my genetic father, I am going to instead pay homage to my surrogate teacher and mentor...which is none other than that Apple made, touch-senstive device of which those frequenting this site may be marginally familiar. What?! Am I seriously classifying this small tech toy in the same echelon as a flesh and blood paternal figure? Yes I am. Allow me to defend that highly tenuous position with a little ditty I like to call, "Everything I need to know in life, I was taught by my iPhone." "Teach a son how to fish, and he can eat for a lifetime." Many a patriarchal memory concerns this greatest of leisurely pastimes. Through fishing a father and child are able to bond, share stories, absorb valuable life lessons, and of course learn how to reel those bad boys in. Flick Fishing provides all of the fishing action you could ever hope for, and rumor has it that the next update will contain all that other 'feel-goody' stuff. Mission accomplished! "Taught me how to drive." Let's be honest here. What's more important? Being taught about braking, shifting, obeying traffic regulations, defensive driving, and general consideration for human safety...OR; learning about drifting, reckless destruction of property, illegal street racing, and police evasion. My point exactly. Need For Speed: Undercover can teach you about driving in the real world. "Taught me to work hard." Is there anything more valuable that a father can teach to his children? On the other hand, is there anything that can teach a kid to work and think harder and more creatively than the deceptively simple Creative Whack Pack? "Taught me to spend wisely." One need only to glance at the wealth of Finance apps in the store (pun intended) to see that there is more financial wisdom there than in all the store-brand candy and second-hand clothes that Dad could ever pass off as a character-building oppurtunity. So there you have it. While this is only a few examples, I believe it illustrates the point well. Exhausted fathers since the beginning of time have searched in vain for something to help them raise their children. Moms, nurseries, babysitters, pets, TV...anything really. Now there is just such a device. Something that can not only be entrusted to raise our children, but probably do a dang sight better than we could ourselves. (This article is of course written in jest. I, like many of you, am forever indebted to my father for the priceless advice and incredible example he provided for me.)

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