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June 13, 2009

I jerked up in my seat with a sudden sense of hazy clarity, immediately coming slowly to the realization that something was drastically wrong with the balance of the universe (and my ability to use non-contradictory adverbs.)

Naturally, with the weight of such lofty understanding hovering over me, my eyes started to glaze over.

Beads of sweat slowly formed along the crest of my left eyebrow as my hands began shaking like one of those 50-cent wind up chatter toys.

One of two things was happening. Either:

1. A tear in the fabric of space and time was threatening life as we know it, or only slightly less catastrophic;

2. I had lost my iPhone.

Any of you who have experienced this know that it’s a world away from losing any other kind of personal possession. Our whole lives are on these phones! Contacts, schedules, accounts, to do lists, messages, emails (and of course all of the arguably less important things like games, time killers, and most importantly… digital noisemakers.) Losing this single piece of technology the size of a strawberry pop tart is akin to losing your desktop computer, your xbox, your generic mP3 player (ok, lets be honest; does anyone actually know someone who has an mP3 player thats not an iPod?), your calculator, your gps unit, your notepad, and your soothing koi fish pond. Like I said...devestating.

The withdrawal fear slowly crept into my system as I thought about what my bleak, dystopian future held in store for me. And then, in the midst of my despair, another feeling crept into my system. I was surprised to find that it was not the cold, metallic-taste of panic; but rather a kind of nostalgic reverie. It was here at this moment that I suddenly realized the little ticks and tocks of the iPhone; those features that you don't always appreciate, but that I missed the most. And they weren't the ones I was necessarily expecting.

I missed the way you slide your finger across the screen to unlock it. You don't need a password. You don't use some convoluted button combination. No, you just non-chalantly brush your finger across the screen and your in. People everywhere recognize this gesture and as soon as you do it (especially in the crowded elevators at work), you see one of two Pavlovian responses:

  • 1) Like yawning, those who also have iPhones suddenly feel the need to bring theirs out and swipe to unlock too. Wanting to make it look intentional however, they surreptitiously start to check their e-mail, even though every other iPhone owner knows what is really going on.
  • 2) Those who don't have an iPhone suddenly begin casually craning their necks so as to get a better view of this commonplace, yet still exotic piece of hardware.
  • I missed being able to create a contact, with a picture, in like three steps. (And of course the subsequent sense of self-satisfaction that came while watching the other person bumble through the 17 minute long process for adding you as a new contact to their cell.) I missed being able to turn the calculator into landscape and getting like a pseudo-scientific calculator. I don't know that I've ever actually used it, but the fact that I could...well, that means a lot. I missed Durak. It's not even my favorite game, but for some reason its the only one i wanted to play. Something about the simplicity of its design, the ability to make custom backgrounds on the cards, and the general feeling of wasting time in a friends basement with a deck of cards. I just missed it. I missed the way that the app symbol for Calenders actually displays the current date. I missed the metallic apple symbol on the back. I even missed the way that the screen turns off when your on a call. Eventually I did find it again(that upcoming find my phone feature is arriving a little late), and the pain has slowly worn off as my memory of this bittersweet tragedy fades. So if you ever feel like you are reaching the point where your iPhone no longer impresses you...I suggest losing it for a couple days. So what about you guys? Have you ever lost your phone? What little eccentricities would you miss the most?