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Bed, Bath and Beyond? Nah... iPhone

August 10, 2009


We've seen the trend occurring over the last 10 or so years. Slowly, the cell phone has replaced the landline as the primary method of contact for individuals. Basically, the only time it's sensible to have a landline is in a business where you wouldn’t want people being able to contact you at all times. Other than that there is pretty much no contest between the two, so no wonder it has taken over the old stay at home model.

I remember listening online to the keynote address when Steve Jobs first announced the iPhone. Like most people watching, my eyes were locked on the screen with rapt attention. When Jobs first displayed the device itself it took me a second to really grasp what it was the Apple team had accomplished, but once I did, I was hooked.

The first thing I really remember was Jobs spouting off the various basic functions that this little guy would serve. "Breakthrough internet device, cell phone, music player, etc." That list was impressive then, but with the advent of the app store about a year ago...the iPhone has just become more and more adaptable. It has become a true convergence of everything in a persons life; kind of like the whole intersect thing on the TV show Chuck...and that worked out well for everybody...Don't we want everything we own to be in the palm of our hand? To put all our eggs in a single basket as it were?

So as this generation becomes more and more compact…what other home furnishings, once considered individual necessities, could fall by the wayside? I realize that there are many absurdities to follow, but if in a pinch (and if you were in this much of a pinch and you still bought an iPhone then you deserve to be flogged) you needed simplify as much as possible, heres how!

Alarm clock-most people have already made this trade, so it needs little explanation.

Picture frames-can you pinch to zoom your pictures hanging on the wall? Yeah, that's what I thought... lose 'em.

Wallpaper-you can change it whenever you want, and if you squint and constantly hold it in front of your face then its just as good!

Cook books- with the apps for cooking you'll never run out of clever ideas for delicious dinners (which you'll eventually throw out in favor of pizza delivery using restaurant locating apps...)

Plate-you can watch movies and TV shows through your food! Plus the small surface area is great for portion control!

TV-the iPhone has a few TV watching apps (like the SlingPlayer); screen size, picture quality, all pretty similiar. (Or maybe it's time I invested in a better TV)

Computer-the iPhone does pretty much all the same stuff, of course you need the computer to use it…wow, this is hard.

Fireplace-the iphone does emit a trace amount of heat…which just might be enough to keep you warm on those cold, lifeless, sterile nights.

Last but not least, Company- who needs guests (and therefore all of the guest accoutrements) when all of the company you'll ever need is right there on the phone. There are plenty of apps to keep the guys happy and though I've spent considerably less time with the apps for girls, I hear there are a few of those too.

Ok, so I kind of lost my steam there (and my touch with reality). It seems pretty clear after much scientific thought and research that the iPhone may in fact be good for replacing the old landline, but it seems that beyond that it isn’t quite the swiss army replacement for much else in life…all those apps…and what do we have to show for it? What good is a device if it doesn’t replace other stuff and combine it all into one. Who wants variety? Steve Jobs has made it very clear to me what I want…and that is for everything to be condensed and convenient…still waiting!

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