The Mysterious Link Between Halloween and the iPhone!!
Halloween and the iPhone are more closely intertwined than David Letterman and…eh, that was going nowhere good. Seriously though. If ever there was a device that was custom made for this most inauspicious of holidays, the iPhone is it. (You will find out just how custom made it is near the end of the column! Bwah-ha-ha!!)
Halloween is all about fear, right? Well what is scarier than an iPhone?! I mean, sure maybe its not scary in the conventional sense-but believe me, there is no haunted house that can provide the sort of primal terror you feel upon leaning over your human waste receptacle and hearing that solemn plop as your iPhone begins to sink slowly to its doom. Now that’s fear!
How else do the iPhone and Halloween coincide? Well, think of all the available tools that children now have to make their candy-hoarding go even more smoothly. For one they have the maps application. Back in the heady days of my youthful exuberance, we pretty much had to plot out our attack plan using rocks and leaves-but now the kids can plot out exactly which neighborhoods they will hit and even see the traffic in those areas!! Fantastic. (I dare say the sexual predator locator may come in handy here as well…too far? Sorry.)
For all the adult candy shoppers out there, the camera just may prove to be the most useful tool in their repertoire-what with all the ‘sexy this or that’ costumes abounding these days. I mean seriously, can’t a woman just be a plain cop, or a regular maid, or a non-sexy nurse for Halloween? Ok, never mind…I just read that back to myself and it’s a totally stupid idea.
And now, the fulfillment of the promise I made so long ago in the first paragraph! The ultimate reason that the iPhone and Halloween seem to be so harmoniously intertwined! Well, it turns out that Halloween actually inspired the design…the function…nay, the essence, of the iPhone!! Amazing, no?
When Steve Jobs was first setting about to create the ultimate cellular phone, he was actually quite inspired by Dr. Frankenstein. Reports show him ferociously searching for the right ingredients with which to bring his vision to life, eschewing all established rules in his manic desire to bring a near sense of life to an otherwise dreary technological landscape! No doubt bolstered by Steve Wozniack (his own little Igor) he pushed on and eventually was successful in creating something that has truly become a monster in its own right.
Apple though, is also notoriously fond of werewolf lore, and incorporated much of that fondness into their designs. On the one hand we have a delightful business device that works surprisingly well in delivering e-mails, managing to-do lists, and all the other boring stuff that we do on our iPhones when our superiors are watching. But then…when the darkness falls, we unleash the beast within! Now, this once austere and regal device morphs into the ultimate outlet of awesome! Where once there was merely corporate meeting schedules, there is now the blistering fury of Meteor Blitz! Where once there was only calculations, there are now maps leading to parties, apps to pick up chicks (to varying degrees of success), even to find beer! A veritable world of crazy right at your fingertips! And yet, every morning there comes the time where you must re-open that corporate e-mail account, comb down that wild mane of yours and get back to work.
Dracula is perhaps one of the most enduring Halloween legends in the minds of the public, and the makers of the iPhone are no exception. It doesn’t even matter which version of the mythology you enjoy! They were inspired by the dreamy exteriors and tortured artiste souls of the Twilight era vampires, and as for the original (more sinister) vampires…well just look at any iPhowner and see how it appears that the device has totally sucked out their life force and how they have become helpless beneath it.
You learn something new everyday, eh?
Happy Halloween Everyone!!
