Bullistic Unleashed Is Fun, And That Ain’t No Bull

Before we get started on the review, I’d like to include a disclaimer that this app is not for children. The “you-know-whats” that I refer to above are graphically depicted and there is a lot of cussing and even a bit of animal fornicating. So, if you’ve got young ‘uns in the house, you may want to keep you iPhone away from them.

Now that the kiddies have been put to bed, it is time to talk about how hilarious this game is. Players must launch a bull by pulling back and releasing him into the mall. Once the bovine is airborne, there is no stopping his destruction. Well, not really. Heavy crates and large displays will slow his roll.

The goal of the game is to cause as much damage to the mall as possible. Once launched, there are strategically placed items that will help keep the bull rolling. For example, if you fling the him in the right direction, he will end up in an elevator that will take him to another floor where, not only will he be able to destroy the pretty shoes on display, but he will also be able to ricochet off a spring board, which may shoot him across to a barrel that will lift him into the air and launch him onto another floor where the destruction can continue.

Each level has three awkwardly placed coins that players can collect to unlock new bulls that have different abilities. For example, Flamma Bull will light on fire and create a path of burning destruction when his power is unleashed. Players can buy additional coins through in-app purchases if they don’t want to earn them the old-fashioned way. However, coins aren’t that hard to collect, so in-app purchases are not necessary.

The physics of the game, while completely unrealistic, are exciting and hilarious. The bull will fly through the air, crushing shoppers, destroying boxes and flattening cupcakes. There are boxes of bombs placed throughout the levels that will cause the bull to bounce backward, and hopefully into something else that will keep him rolling.

The graphics, although R-rated, are amazing. The hilarious antics that take place on various levels will make you giggle out loud. The only problem is that the sound effects get annoying after a while. It is funny to hear terrified shoppers scream as they get smashed to bits by a rolling bull, but that only lasts a short time. Within a half hour, I was ready to turn off the sound.

Bullistic Unleashed is an entertaining and fun game. It is full of potty humor similar to an adult-minded version of Mad magazine. Parents will probably not want their little ones playing this game due to the content, but beer-drinking grown-ups that like physics-based games and are looking for adventure will really enjoy this app. It is available in the App Store for only $0.99.